It’s been so long, hasn’t it? Since I wrote… Since I thought… I have only 4 months left here in Germany and I better use them correctly. It’s just, I keep having such a disaster in my mind. I hate it! It’s like having a messy room and you want to clean it up but you don’t know how to start or where. Under the pile of junk you’re looking for something extremely important – you’ve just forgotten what it is. Lost in the chaos, you can’t concentrate anymore on what you’re looking for. And it just seems so hard… You know you’re looking for something but you keep finding so many distractions that you deceive yourself thinking that you are indeed searching.. That you are somehow going forward. But the truth is sad: your room is still messy. There’s not been much done, and you’re going crazy because instead of it being a little bit clearer you’ve just moved the pieces around. The new perspective is not helping, and perhaps now there’s more confusion than at the beginning.
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